Leading more experience team members part 3

So far in this series of posts, we've been talking about situations where the relationship with your experienced team members is fundamentally workable. But what about when one of them is actively resistant to your leadership? What if they undermine your authority, dismiss your input, or make it clear they don't accept you in the role?

This happens. And it requires a careful approach.

You will probably have seen plenty of advice that in this situation, you need to assert your authority, set boundaries, show them who’s boss etc.

Yes, you may need to do some of that stuff in due course. But that is not where you should start.

In my experience, it isn’t helpful to get defensive or caught up in a battle of wills. And it’s not great to give off passive aggressive vibes.

I’m not suggesting that the other person isn’t acting up. They are. But you need to show why you have been designated as a leader by rising above the dramatics.

By the way, I’m not talking here about serious misconduct - threats, abuse etc. In that case see under ‘knowing when to escalate’ below. This is about how to deal with the lower level insidious stuff.

Before you act, it's worth trying to understand what's driving the behaviour. Research suggests that employees who appear resistant are often reacting to something specific—perhaps they felt overlooked for the role you now hold, they're frustrated by changes you're implementing, or they simply haven't had the chance to voice their concerns.

Your organisation's history with change also shapes employees' beliefs and assumptions. If there's been a pattern of lay-offs, failed initiatives or poor communication, that history becomes embedded and creates a learned defensive response.

So, think about what has gone before. Find out what this person has been through recently. And also try to understand the present context and any elements within the system that may be impacting upon them negatively.

For example, I recall one person I had to manage who was stand-offish and quite unco-operative with me. When I spoke to her about what was happening, I found out that she’d been promised my job or an equivalent one by a previous director. That director had left and she was feeling extremely hard done by.

Your next step is to have a conversation. You need to address the issue. Ignoring it won't make it go away—in fact, it will likely make things worse. So, arrange a one-to-one meeting. Let the person know in advance broadly what you want to discuss so they're not caught off guard.

Then in the meeting:

You should also keep your own boss informed about what’s going on. You don’t need them to intervene at this stage but you do need them to know. It is their job to support you, just as it is your job to support your team.

This is not something you need to hide. In fact, showing that you can handle the situation effectively and dispassionately will do you good in your boss’s eyes.

If the behaviour continues after your first conversation, remind then of your agreement and that you have done you part to comply. Ask again what is getting in the way for them.

It may take a while for things to improve completely, so you do need to give it time. If there are improvements that you notice, say so. Give credit where it is due.

But if things don’t improve, you do need to be firmer. You need to be clear that certain behaviours are not acceptable.

You might say something like: "We talked about this a few weeks ago, and I've noticed the pattern continuing. I can’t have you refusing to do what is expected of you. If there are concerns, I'm always happy to discuss them privately. But I need that to happen before meetings, not during them."

Document these conversations. If the situation doesn't improve, you may need to involve HR or your own manager, and having a clear record of what you've said and when will be important.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, someone simply refuses to accept your authority. At that point, this becomes a performance issue that needs to be managed through your organisation's formal processes.

If you have kept your manager informed about what is going on, you should have their support for taking formal steps. You will certainly need it. So, make sure you have it.

This isn't a failure on your part. Some people will not adapt, no matter how skilfully you handle the situation. Your responsibility is to address the issue calmly, give the person a fair opportunity to change, and then take appropriate action if they don't.

The key is not to let it drag on. When insubordinate behaviour goes unchecked, it damages team morale, undermines your credibility, and can encourage similar behaviour in others.

Managing people who are older or more experienced isn't about proving yourself. It's about creating an environment where everyone's strengths—including yours—are put to good use.

For most team members, the foundational approaches we covered in part one—respect, relationship-building, openness to learning—will be enough. Add in clear expectations, a focus on enabling rather than directing, and investment in your own development, and you'll be well on your way to earning the credibility you need.

But when you encounter active resistance, don't shy away from it. Address it directly, provide an opportunity for the person change behaviour with their dignity intact, and be prepared to escalate if necessary. That's being the leader your team needs you to be.

All of my posts for new leaders are here.

Coaching - I have a few spots available for 1 to 1 coaching. I can help you with any of the people leadership challenges you might be facing. There are more details here.